Let me diary somewhat ...
At the end of October my husband and I went to Las Vegas and competed in the largest dance event of the year. This was part of the requirements that I set for myself, to overcome my fear of performing. So we entered to perform 96 times! That is 8 different dances (vieneze waltz, waltz, foxtrot, rumba, cha cha, samba, mambo and swing) in two different age groups (the over 50's and the 35 to 50s') both as a couple and with our instructors it was pretty exciting/scary. So by the end of this I was getting pretty blase about getting up in front of judges and crowds and can now essentially not know they are there, which may sound weird but it works for me. How did we do ... well we made the finals in the majority of the events and even got some silver and bronze in a few ... not to bad I guess. Once I figure out how to load some of the video clips up to the site you can even watch a few. Shortly after that Dean and I tested for our silver qualification and passed and did yet another performance (samba) at an event here in Edmonton called Medal Ball. This silver qualification was another requirement that I set for this year so strike another thing off the list of things to accomplish in 2009.
In November the boss decided it was time to apply for our external safety audit to achieve COR for the company. That one sentence does not begin to define the scope of whats involved. The number of ducks that need to be lined up for this to happen, well it was never boring. Our auditor was very nice don't get me wrong, but there are site visits, interviews, masses of paperwork ... endless questions and explanations ... as the safety officer for the company its all my responsibility. So I was busy to say the least but it was a learning experience and although this one was not on my personal list of requirements I'm still feeling a serious sense of accomplishment. The auditor will come back for the close out meeting on Dec 18th so I am not sure if we got it yet ... I will keep you posted.
So its December, the girls will be home late on December 23rd and not leave again until January 19th ... I am pretty excited about that. Last year we were renovating at this time and didn't really have a christmas so all the stops are coming out this year and I plan to spend Sunday Dec 13th decorating and rearranging to my hearts content. The girls will be dazzled when they get home.
Hope everyone else is having fun with christmas stuff ... its my favorite holiday.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
First Snow ... stay safe!
I have lived in Alberta for a long long time and yet every year it is the same, that first snow in the fall and its insanity on the roads. Considering that it froze my garden on June 30th/July 1st we have only had three months of no frost it amazes me how so many people forget how to drive on snow and ice.
Unfortunately for me I was in the wrong place (Devon bridge) at the wrong time (8:20 AM) and became an accident statistic for that first snow fall. I am mostly fine, nothing broken other than my car. At this point I am getting paranoid, this is my second accident of the year, I was not at fault in either accident, but still ... I have gone many many years without any incidents like this and then POW two in six months seem a little extreme. So I am going to nag anyone unfortunate enough to read this blog (I am a safety officer after all), it seems to me that impatience and inattention are big factors in most of these cases. So a few pithy comments are coming down the pipes;
Unfortunately for me I was in the wrong place (Devon bridge) at the wrong time (8:20 AM) and became an accident statistic for that first snow fall. I am mostly fine, nothing broken other than my car. At this point I am getting paranoid, this is my second accident of the year, I was not at fault in either accident, but still ... I have gone many many years without any incidents like this and then POW two in six months seem a little extreme. So I am going to nag anyone unfortunate enough to read this blog (I am a safety officer after all), it seems to me that impatience and inattention are big factors in most of these cases. So a few pithy comments are coming down the pipes;
- late is better than dead,
- the two second rule is NOT how long it takes you to respond to a text message
- rear view mirrors are designed to show you what is behind you, not for applying makeup or inspecting the side of your car
- there is a reason those little flashing lights on your car are refered to as indicators
- texting or talking on a cell phone distracts your attention from the road and the dynamics of the situations around you, the other day I saw someome reading a newspaper while drivinig ... yikes!
- everything around you is occuring at anywhere from 20 to 130 km speeds, just how fast do you think your reactions are?
- defensive driving is assuming that the other drivers on the road are going to make a mistake so "drive to save lives, time, and money, in spite of the conditions around you and the actions of others"
The majority of collisions are preventable; caused in large part by driver error.
A safe driver drives defensively, knows what is going on around them and looks out for others.
A safe driver never assumes that the other driver is going to drive safely or obey the rules of the road.
Skill, patience and being alert are elements of defensive driving that help you avoid a potential crash.
Help prevent collisions by following these defensive driving safety tips:
Keep your distance
Maintain a two-second following distance under normal driving conditions. In bad weather or on poor roads, increase your following distance.
Posted speed limits are set for ideal road and weather conditions. It is up to you to reduce your speed in hazardous conditions.
Give large trucks more space, especially when they are turning or you are attempting to pass them. An excellent rule of thumb is "If you can't see the truck driver in his side mirror, he can't see you." Remember, it takes longer to pass a large vehicle.
Scan your surroundings
Look about 12-15 seconds ahead (one to one-and-a-half blocks) when travelling in urban areas. Look about 25 seconds ahead in rural areas. Scan behind and to the left and right regularly.
Be in the proper driving lane well before you exit or turn. Be prepared for other drivers to change lanes suddenly to exit. Avoid making hasty lane changes.
Be cautious around cars driven erratically.
Think ahead - avoid a crash
Read the road ahead and stay alert. If you must swerve to avoid something in your lane, move to the right if possible. Do not move to the left. Reduce your speed, ride right off the road if necessary.
Always position your vehicle for a glancing blow instead of a head-on collision.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Mental Health ... the reality
So this is mental health awareness week and it was suggest that we research a mental illness and blog about it. My knowledge of mental illness is more personal. I grew up with mental illness in my family ... it was sort of like standing in the centre of a teeter totter, carefully balanced in the middle, never knowing what, who or when was going to tip the balance or in what direction. As a child, teenager and young adult I had no control over the situation, attempting damage control for my younger siblings, dealing with situations totally outside my scope of understanding or life experience. Watching the doctors diagnosis and treatments make things worse and worse.
So it sounds pretty awful ... and for moments it was ... so what was the diagnosis / condition ... I heard, nervous breakdown, manic depression, schizophrenia, psychotic episodes, post tramatic stress syndrome, bipolar and this member of my family was treated for all of these things.
So why am I sharing this personal information? Because 40 years ago getting help and/or information was very difficult, diagnosis and treatment again very difficult and yet mental illness is not rare, many people suffer either from or with people they love. Knowledge, understanding and support are critical not only for the person with the mental illness but their loved ones as well. Taking the time to do the research, posting the information, all of us reading the posts, this expands our knowledge, increases our understanding and our ability to offer support.
I believe that this entire exercise has had a positive impact on everyone who particapted and I personally appreciate that a group of concerned persons intiated Mental Health Awareness week and led the march to bring this subtle and quite often hidden illness out into the light. Because of efforts like these information is more available, diagnosis and treatments are more timely and effective. Thank you to Sifu Berhinger who suggested it and Sifu Brinker who supported her by making this part of the school.
So it sounds pretty awful ... and for moments it was ... so what was the diagnosis / condition ... I heard, nervous breakdown, manic depression, schizophrenia, psychotic episodes, post tramatic stress syndrome, bipolar and this member of my family was treated for all of these things.
So why am I sharing this personal information? Because 40 years ago getting help and/or information was very difficult, diagnosis and treatment again very difficult and yet mental illness is not rare, many people suffer either from or with people they love. Knowledge, understanding and support are critical not only for the person with the mental illness but their loved ones as well. Taking the time to do the research, posting the information, all of us reading the posts, this expands our knowledge, increases our understanding and our ability to offer support.
I believe that this entire exercise has had a positive impact on everyone who particapted and I personally appreciate that a group of concerned persons intiated Mental Health Awareness week and led the march to bring this subtle and quite often hidden illness out into the light. Because of efforts like these information is more available, diagnosis and treatments are more timely and effective. Thank you to Sifu Berhinger who suggested it and Sifu Brinker who supported her by making this part of the school.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
False eyelashes and other silly stuff
Its been a few weeks since I blogged so I apoligize but I must admit its been pretty interesting and totally outside my comfort zone this last little while. My husband and I did our showcase routine (a foxtrot done to Micheal Boublai's 'I'm your Man') at the studio. This type of performance has some odd requirements, like wearing false eyelashes and dance tights and ALOT of makeup (if you are the girl in this scenario). I adjusted to some modest heels for my dance shoes ... that took awhile but this other stuff well it was a stretch. It must have taken me an hour and a half just to get all this paraphenalia on and had my husband in stitches laughing.
The problem is that I am very nearsighted so with a flashlight, magnifying mirror and no glasses, my nose pressed up to the mirror I attempt to glue these eyelashes on. First attempt on the right eye went pretty well and I guess I got cocky because I actually glued my left eye shut and had to pry the eye open, redo the eyeliner and shadow, and start over. Finally I get the left eye looking okay get my contacts in, so I can see at a distance but loose the ability to see close, and the right eye lashes fell off, sheesh. Frustrated I attempted to get the right eyes lashes glued on with my contacts in ... I achieved it eventually but I could tell it was crooked just by the way it felt. Then I squeeze into some fishnet dance tights, you are thinking no big deal. These things at the waist just barely fit around my thigh and if they contain lycra (as the package describes) well I couldn't find it. Do not attempt to eat anything wearing these things, flesh may start to seep out through the fishnets. As for the make up ... well thank god the girls left me some stuff before they went to China, as I had on enough eyemake up to be noticable across a large dance floor, blush in brilliant sweeps along my cheeks and bright (I mean bright RED) lipstick. I hesitated to get out of the truck on the way to this event to grab a coffee ... let me tell you it got some looks.
So how did we dance? Everyone said it looked good, but then they are all nice people who would hesitate to say anything else. My perspective, I didn't fall or trip my husband, my eyelashes stayed on, and no one laughed outright. A fairly successful moment I think. Apparently they recorded the event and I will post it here when I get my copy.
This ordeal will need to be repeated 4 days straight at the Las Vegas competition Dean and I are attending at the end of October, wish me luck.
The problem is that I am very nearsighted so with a flashlight, magnifying mirror and no glasses, my nose pressed up to the mirror I attempt to glue these eyelashes on. First attempt on the right eye went pretty well and I guess I got cocky because I actually glued my left eye shut and had to pry the eye open, redo the eyeliner and shadow, and start over. Finally I get the left eye looking okay get my contacts in, so I can see at a distance but loose the ability to see close, and the right eye lashes fell off, sheesh. Frustrated I attempted to get the right eyes lashes glued on with my contacts in ... I achieved it eventually but I could tell it was crooked just by the way it felt. Then I squeeze into some fishnet dance tights, you are thinking no big deal. These things at the waist just barely fit around my thigh and if they contain lycra (as the package describes) well I couldn't find it. Do not attempt to eat anything wearing these things, flesh may start to seep out through the fishnets. As for the make up ... well thank god the girls left me some stuff before they went to China, as I had on enough eyemake up to be noticable across a large dance floor, blush in brilliant sweeps along my cheeks and bright (I mean bright RED) lipstick. I hesitated to get out of the truck on the way to this event to grab a coffee ... let me tell you it got some looks.
So how did we dance? Everyone said it looked good, but then they are all nice people who would hesitate to say anything else. My perspective, I didn't fall or trip my husband, my eyelashes stayed on, and no one laughed outright. A fairly successful moment I think. Apparently they recorded the event and I will post it here when I get my copy.
This ordeal will need to be repeated 4 days straight at the Las Vegas competition Dean and I are attending at the end of October, wish me luck.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Kwoon Reno / I saw an eagle
I missed most of the Kwoon cleaning and renovation, previous years I have been able to help 2 or 3 days of the week, but my sister getting married, with all these people at my house well I spent the whole week cleaning, cooking etc. so the hubby and I only made it in to help for one evening ... bummer.
These evenings are a blast ... so you get paint in your hair ... so what. You get to hang out with great people while helping keep the school look spic and span and spruced up ... its acutally alot of fun. Yet apparently the turn out was pretty slim this year, people made committments and then no showed, volunteers were less so the people that did come to help really had to work hard.
Kudos to them and shame on the rest of us, a big job like this can be alot of fun with plenty of goofing off and getting to know each other if you have alot of people helping. I have participated in this event every year since we started the school and I have always had a good time and take alot of pride in how nice the training hall looks. It's OUR PLACE! It should be treated with respect and be well taken care of, no matter what color your belt or how old you are its part of being a member of the school. I feel priviledged to be allowed to help.
Part 2
I'm driving home from getting groceries in Devon on Sunday the 13th and what do I see ... a real live eagle. I know you're thinking so what we see lots of pictures of eagles, big deal. Believe me up close and personal is a totally different experience. It was huge ... that is the biggest bird I have ever seen, in fact bird seems to be such a wimpy way to describe such an incredible creature. It took off from the side of the road and the wing span was as wide as the bottom of the 40 year old spruce tree it flew near. It was a bright, windy day and I watched that amazing bird just float around up there, riding the thermals and keeping an eye out for a possible snack ... wow! Made my day.
These evenings are a blast ... so you get paint in your hair ... so what. You get to hang out with great people while helping keep the school look spic and span and spruced up ... its acutally alot of fun. Yet apparently the turn out was pretty slim this year, people made committments and then no showed, volunteers were less so the people that did come to help really had to work hard.
Kudos to them and shame on the rest of us, a big job like this can be alot of fun with plenty of goofing off and getting to know each other if you have alot of people helping. I have participated in this event every year since we started the school and I have always had a good time and take alot of pride in how nice the training hall looks. It's OUR PLACE! It should be treated with respect and be well taken care of, no matter what color your belt or how old you are its part of being a member of the school. I feel priviledged to be allowed to help.
Part 2
I'm driving home from getting groceries in Devon on Sunday the 13th and what do I see ... a real live eagle. I know you're thinking so what we see lots of pictures of eagles, big deal. Believe me up close and personal is a totally different experience. It was huge ... that is the biggest bird I have ever seen, in fact bird seems to be such a wimpy way to describe such an incredible creature. It took off from the side of the road and the wing span was as wide as the bottom of the 40 year old spruce tree it flew near. It was a bright, windy day and I watched that amazing bird just float around up there, riding the thermals and keeping an eye out for a possible snack ... wow! Made my day.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Moving On ... Staying Behind
So another one of our spectacular young martials artists is moving on with his life ... Sifu Robertson said his official goodbye on Friday. I got to give him a hug and wish him the best on Saturday after open training. He is one of my favorite people, a great martial artist and teacher, intelligent and weird in a very interesting way, a person of character. I will notice that he is not at the black belt class or the tai chi class as much as I notice my daughters are not there.
I am like a nervous bird, nudging them out of the nest, smug that they can fly, but wanting to keep them close and safe, like they were all mine and I had something significant to do with their success, sheesh Terry get over yourself! To me its a wonder that alot of the senior black belts (who have had a huge impact on their growth) are not busting out of their shirts with pride or in tears because they are leaving or both. Their self restraint and dignity must be under alot of stress.
Yet the whole point is to fulfill your dreams, have adventures, accomplish things, grow and develop into outstanding human beings, what we want for all the people in our lives. I am very proud to be part of Silent River and associated with this calibre of people, as corny as it is that's how I feel.
So I hope they are all successful, that their dreams come true and that they stay in touch with us ... their kungfu family.
I wish that I could split into many different parts, be in Wudang with my girls, keep a thoughtful eye on Graham in China and Vancouver, cheer on Danielle while she is at stunt school and on movie sets. It would be awesome to share in the adventures ... its the pits staying behind ... I am just a little bit envious. Not a nice thing to admit but honest.
I feel somewhat ineffective and abandoned, a comfortable old running shoe that has been replaced with some high tech air sole trainers. Sitting in the closet and collecting dust, oh god I am sliding into a pity party, time to stop.
So on a stronger, less poor me, note ... I guess I need to get going on some of my own adventures so I quit living vicariously through these young martial artists that I admire so much. I will keep you posted.
I am like a nervous bird, nudging them out of the nest, smug that they can fly, but wanting to keep them close and safe, like they were all mine and I had something significant to do with their success, sheesh Terry get over yourself! To me its a wonder that alot of the senior black belts (who have had a huge impact on their growth) are not busting out of their shirts with pride or in tears because they are leaving or both. Their self restraint and dignity must be under alot of stress.
Yet the whole point is to fulfill your dreams, have adventures, accomplish things, grow and develop into outstanding human beings, what we want for all the people in our lives. I am very proud to be part of Silent River and associated with this calibre of people, as corny as it is that's how I feel.
So I hope they are all successful, that their dreams come true and that they stay in touch with us ... their kungfu family.
I wish that I could split into many different parts, be in Wudang with my girls, keep a thoughtful eye on Graham in China and Vancouver, cheer on Danielle while she is at stunt school and on movie sets. It would be awesome to share in the adventures ... its the pits staying behind ... I am just a little bit envious. Not a nice thing to admit but honest.
I feel somewhat ineffective and abandoned, a comfortable old running shoe that has been replaced with some high tech air sole trainers. Sitting in the closet and collecting dust, oh god I am sliding into a pity party, time to stop.
So on a stronger, less poor me, note ... I guess I need to get going on some of my own adventures so I quit living vicariously through these young martial artists that I admire so much. I will keep you posted.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
A month later
So to bring everyone up to date on my requirements, I am back doing pushups, the truck accident I had hurt my left shoulder and neck and I missed a couple of months, catching up is going to be rough but I am doing half my pushups full and the other half the numbers are girly pushups ... this has set me back pretty far.
Sit ups I am doing okay, the accident didn't really impact them at all.
My Tai Chi form is looking alot better but I have not met the requirements I set, although its still improved significantly even if I haven't got the numbers. Good thing I chose this one as it is actually good for an injured back/neck/shoulder. Should have done more ... looking back I can see opportunities that I missed to achieve those numbers. Mentally I have given myself a good swift kick in the pants.
The goals I set for dancing are coming along okay but the smooth dances where you have to stretch and arch were looking pretty lopsided on the left from the accident although they are better now. I have paid the fees etc. for the dance competition that my husband and I are entering in Vegas in October, we signed up for 96 competitive dances in four days ... stage fright (overcoming stage fright another goal) after that run should be a thing of the past. My goal for Silver in dancing may not happen by October (the goal) but I expect to have that done before the end of 2009.
I did compete in the Tiger Challenge for creative forms (another goal) , I really like the form I put together but I was not impressed with my performance of it. I will continue to work on it! I have to give myself a little pat on the back for actually doing it because I dreaded this performance. One small step ...
The biggest hole in my plans is for the leadership project ... I really need to focus on this for the last part of the year ... time is part of the issue ... but certainly not a reason to not do it. I so far have not been able to discover / come up with something that I am passionate about other than my loved ones, kung fu or dancing and how do you take this and make some sort of social impact and inspire others to get on board. I will research ... I will put the thought out there to the cosmos ... I am open to an opportunity.
I miss my girls alot!
Sit ups I am doing okay, the accident didn't really impact them at all.
My Tai Chi form is looking alot better but I have not met the requirements I set, although its still improved significantly even if I haven't got the numbers. Good thing I chose this one as it is actually good for an injured back/neck/shoulder. Should have done more ... looking back I can see opportunities that I missed to achieve those numbers. Mentally I have given myself a good swift kick in the pants.
The goals I set for dancing are coming along okay but the smooth dances where you have to stretch and arch were looking pretty lopsided on the left from the accident although they are better now. I have paid the fees etc. for the dance competition that my husband and I are entering in Vegas in October, we signed up for 96 competitive dances in four days ... stage fright (overcoming stage fright another goal) after that run should be a thing of the past. My goal for Silver in dancing may not happen by October (the goal) but I expect to have that done before the end of 2009.
I did compete in the Tiger Challenge for creative forms (another goal) , I really like the form I put together but I was not impressed with my performance of it. I will continue to work on it! I have to give myself a little pat on the back for actually doing it because I dreaded this performance. One small step ...
The biggest hole in my plans is for the leadership project ... I really need to focus on this for the last part of the year ... time is part of the issue ... but certainly not a reason to not do it. I so far have not been able to discover / come up with something that I am passionate about other than my loved ones, kung fu or dancing and how do you take this and make some sort of social impact and inspire others to get on board. I will research ... I will put the thought out there to the cosmos ... I am open to an opportunity.
I miss my girls alot!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Fun in the sun!
So our vacation was awesome, not only did I get to spend quality time with my husband & daughters, I also got to revisit my youth & take a wonderful motorcycle trip. There is something about riding a bike that can only be experienced. Everything is sharper, you not only get the incredible views (we rode through the mountains in BC) all 360 degrees, you get the smells of water, pine & cedar. The sounds of water, traffic & trains, the heat, the cold, its totally an 'in the now' experience. There is no bubble of metal & glass that insulates you from the experience. As a passenger I got to focus on it all while knowing that Dean (the husband) was taking care of the driving, something he seems to really enjoy. Each to his own! We met the girls in Hope BC and the next day got on the ferry for Pender Islands' Poets Cove Resort. Nice place, a cottage that has heated floors, jacuzzi's, pools, private hot tubs, spa service, views of the harbour and some really expensive boats, really nice restaurant etc. etc. A totally different type of holiday for us, we usually camp with tents. The best is that I was with my favorite people. I wish I could have video taped every moment as my girls are going to be in China for a long time ... with once a year (I hope) visits. I would have been able to play it all back when ever I got lonely for them but I will have to rely on photos and memory to comfort me while they are gone. We weirded out some of the people there what with doing pushups and situps and practicing forms but so what, it was wonderful. There was one evening where I sat and watched my daughter Melanie do her tai chi form against a backdrop of ocean and a beautiful sunset. I should have joined her but watching was so incredible that I didn't want to ruin the moment. I hope that everyone captures some moments like the ones that I gathered this year, children grow up & get on with their lives, which is the way it should be, just remember cherish these quality times with loved ones.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Chit Chat
It's been busy and unfortunately due to my vehicle accident I can now state that I am behind on my pushups but gaining on my numbers for the tai chi form as it has been pretty much all I can do this last month. A benefit is that although I can't take on anything to strenous for awhile Sifu Freitag worked with us injured black belts on Friday on Mu Long Koon (not sure of the spelling) and I learned alot ... it was totally awesome. So even if you are broken it is worth getting to class.
I have been attempting to take on Sifu Mckinleys challenge and having some issues;
Number 1 & 2 : The challenge is that sometimes I spend the whole day driving around alone, or dealing with this problem or that, or with my head buried in my work and don't even notice an hour go by. Poor Dean (husband) wondered what was going on as I spent a large part of my day working with him and he was starting to wonder what I was setting him up for with all the compliments and acts of kindness he was getting. Tonight and tommorrow night I am writing the heart felt letter (#3) and making a graditude list (#4), Wednesday should be intersting as I have to hug 10 different people and I am not normally the huggy type. Wish me luck!
10 more sleeps until our vacation, we (Brandi, Melanie Dean & I) are going out to Pender Island for a 5 day vacation. The girls are taking the truck and Dean and I are riding the motorcycle. For anyone that rides motorcycles well this is a dream, all those winding roads make the ride a real rush. Not to mention incredible scenary and weather, what more could you ask for ... I am really exicited about it. Plus this is my last chance to vacation with my girls for quite a while as they will be in China training in Kung Fu.
Today I went to the bank and began the process of paying their tuition, very complicated what with canadian dollars and chinese yuan and a total pain, but you gotta do what you gotta do. So I guess this means that they are really going ... I've been avoiding the issue as much as I can. I am very proud of both of them for being so brave and ambitious and totally freaked out about the time committment and the fact that its in China, across an entire ocean and god knows how many time zones. Brandi took pity on me and bought a web cam and set the computer at work up on something called skype so we can talk and actually see each other so hopefully the empty nest syndrome won't be as bad as last time. My husband sincerely hopes so.
Sorry nothing brilliant to say, no epiphany's or deep realizations just chit chat.
I have been attempting to take on Sifu Mckinleys challenge and having some issues;
Number 1 & 2 : The challenge is that sometimes I spend the whole day driving around alone, or dealing with this problem or that, or with my head buried in my work and don't even notice an hour go by. Poor Dean (husband) wondered what was going on as I spent a large part of my day working with him and he was starting to wonder what I was setting him up for with all the compliments and acts of kindness he was getting. Tonight and tommorrow night I am writing the heart felt letter (#3) and making a graditude list (#4), Wednesday should be intersting as I have to hug 10 different people and I am not normally the huggy type. Wish me luck!
10 more sleeps until our vacation, we (Brandi, Melanie Dean & I) are going out to Pender Island for a 5 day vacation. The girls are taking the truck and Dean and I are riding the motorcycle. For anyone that rides motorcycles well this is a dream, all those winding roads make the ride a real rush. Not to mention incredible scenary and weather, what more could you ask for ... I am really exicited about it. Plus this is my last chance to vacation with my girls for quite a while as they will be in China training in Kung Fu.
Today I went to the bank and began the process of paying their tuition, very complicated what with canadian dollars and chinese yuan and a total pain, but you gotta do what you gotta do. So I guess this means that they are really going ... I've been avoiding the issue as much as I can. I am very proud of both of them for being so brave and ambitious and totally freaked out about the time committment and the fact that its in China, across an entire ocean and god knows how many time zones. Brandi took pity on me and bought a web cam and set the computer at work up on something called skype so we can talk and actually see each other so hopefully the empty nest syndrome won't be as bad as last time. My husband sincerely hopes so.
Sorry nothing brilliant to say, no epiphany's or deep realizations just chit chat.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Pondering
I have accomplished one more thing in my seemingly endless and challenging list of things to get done in 09. My husband and I did a solo foxtrot routine at the Arthur Murray Dance Event on May 30th. One more step on the path to overcoming fear and mastering ballroom dancing. So I heard the first bar of music ... and did the opening moves and then well awareness flickered in and out after that. Its a good thing my husband is the lead and has very good timing, all I have to do is follow.
Its kind of weird how it goes. When Dean (husband) and I are learning a routine I am not in the midst of stage fright and it can be a struggle. I think I know what step is coming next and I go there ... I do not wait for anyone to lead me. I have a very hard time waiting for the lead, I anticipate and change weight when I shouldn't and don't change when I should, I make committed moves, turn my upper body in anticipation of where the routine will go, do not lead with my feet only, (no shifting of weight) and do not maintain my centre over the foot (feet) that I am standing on. Well regardless it can get pretty messy.
My husband actually told me that I follow better when I am suffering from stage fright and can't even focus enough to hear the music, then I follow the lead like I should, I don't make committed moves because I can't remember them and I don't anticipate ... I wait!!! So there is a lesson in this somewhere ... something that works in dancing, kung fu and life.
I am pondering, I just can't quite grasp or verbalize it yet ...
Its kind of weird how it goes. When Dean (husband) and I are learning a routine I am not in the midst of stage fright and it can be a struggle. I think I know what step is coming next and I go there ... I do not wait for anyone to lead me. I have a very hard time waiting for the lead, I anticipate and change weight when I shouldn't and don't change when I should, I make committed moves, turn my upper body in anticipation of where the routine will go, do not lead with my feet only, (no shifting of weight) and do not maintain my centre over the foot (feet) that I am standing on. Well regardless it can get pretty messy.
My husband actually told me that I follow better when I am suffering from stage fright and can't even focus enough to hear the music, then I follow the lead like I should, I don't make committed moves because I can't remember them and I don't anticipate ... I wait!!! So there is a lesson in this somewhere ... something that works in dancing, kung fu and life.
I am pondering, I just can't quite grasp or verbalize it yet ...
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Epiphany and Stupidity
So I had one (epiphany) ... and it has to do with the word intensity.
Sifu Brinker has used this word when speaking to me and/or us like how many times ... and I realized about a week after his talk at the sehing class a couple of weeks ago about being emotional when sparring/fighting that I have not been getting the message that he was sending.
It all has to do with what the word intensity encompasses for me. Previous to my epiphany ... I had the word intensity linked with emotional. It meant out of control emotions, like wow that person is intense, which to me in my growing up years I had to deal with alot and it really left some emotional scarring. I avoided people that were intense (out of control emotional) like the plague, unless of course they are relatives which you actually have to deal with. I never trusted people that revealed too much intensity (emotional highs and lows), they were unreliable and on the verge of loosing control. So to me the word intense had some very negative conotations and unpleasant memories.
I have struggled my whole life to overcome the genetics and behaviours that I learned during my growing up, emotional outbursts, yelling, and a fight to the death type of arguing that has nothing to do with reason and everything to do with ego. So whenever Sifu Brinker started talking about intensity I was resistant, it appeared to lead down a path I did not want to go.
My point is that the intensity that Sifu Brinker talks about and requires that every black belt to attain is all about control and focus. Over emotional out of control behaviour is the opposite of what he defines as intensity. Sifu Brinkers definition is what I refer to as 'serious'. If its serious in my books it requires focus and attention, it needs to be taken seriously.
After my epiphany I realized that intensity is intellectual (mental focus, mastering technique, etc.) and heart (the desire, the passion for the art). Wow, what a relief!
So how long have I been studying martial arts and learning from Sifu Brinker ... its been a long, long, time. I guess I'm a slow learner! Better late than never.
Now that Master McNeils visit is over and its business as usual I thought it would be the perfect time to show Sifu Brinker and Sifu Freitag the form that I created. Unfortunately at work yesterday I hurt my back (stupidity)and could not stand up right. Brandi used the pounding poi technique that Master McNeil taught us and I can now stand up almost straight (I have a slight bend and limp and may actually need to use the cane I have at home). The pain however is signficantly less (much appreciated Master McNeil & Brandi) and I have a treatment booked with my physiotherapist who is treating me for a back injury I got a month ago when a lady hit my truck from the side. So much for my lightning fast kungfu reflexes, but in my defense I never saw her coming or believe me I would have dodged/ducked whatever. Honestly life is silly sometimes, this goes back to the last post with curve balls.
Talk to you soon ...
Sifu Brinker has used this word when speaking to me and/or us like how many times ... and I realized about a week after his talk at the sehing class a couple of weeks ago about being emotional when sparring/fighting that I have not been getting the message that he was sending.
It all has to do with what the word intensity encompasses for me. Previous to my epiphany ... I had the word intensity linked with emotional. It meant out of control emotions, like wow that person is intense, which to me in my growing up years I had to deal with alot and it really left some emotional scarring. I avoided people that were intense (out of control emotional) like the plague, unless of course they are relatives which you actually have to deal with. I never trusted people that revealed too much intensity (emotional highs and lows), they were unreliable and on the verge of loosing control. So to me the word intense had some very negative conotations and unpleasant memories.
I have struggled my whole life to overcome the genetics and behaviours that I learned during my growing up, emotional outbursts, yelling, and a fight to the death type of arguing that has nothing to do with reason and everything to do with ego. So whenever Sifu Brinker started talking about intensity I was resistant, it appeared to lead down a path I did not want to go.
My point is that the intensity that Sifu Brinker talks about and requires that every black belt to attain is all about control and focus. Over emotional out of control behaviour is the opposite of what he defines as intensity. Sifu Brinkers definition is what I refer to as 'serious'. If its serious in my books it requires focus and attention, it needs to be taken seriously.
After my epiphany I realized that intensity is intellectual (mental focus, mastering technique, etc.) and heart (the desire, the passion for the art). Wow, what a relief!
So how long have I been studying martial arts and learning from Sifu Brinker ... its been a long, long, time. I guess I'm a slow learner! Better late than never.
Now that Master McNeils visit is over and its business as usual I thought it would be the perfect time to show Sifu Brinker and Sifu Freitag the form that I created. Unfortunately at work yesterday I hurt my back (stupidity)and could not stand up right. Brandi used the pounding poi technique that Master McNeil taught us and I can now stand up almost straight (I have a slight bend and limp and may actually need to use the cane I have at home). The pain however is signficantly less (much appreciated Master McNeil & Brandi) and I have a treatment booked with my physiotherapist who is treating me for a back injury I got a month ago when a lady hit my truck from the side. So much for my lightning fast kungfu reflexes, but in my defense I never saw her coming or believe me I would have dodged/ducked whatever. Honestly life is silly sometimes, this goes back to the last post with curve balls.
Talk to you soon ...
Monday, May 25, 2009
Appreciate yourself
I think the trick to staying sane when life is throwing you curve balls so fast that ducking is redundant is to not loose your ability to appreciate the weird and ridiculous.
Most of the time the most weird and ridiculous person you will know is yourself, all the strange quirks in your personality and hiccups in your thinking processes.
For example, in my own mind, I always know what to say, I always win arguments with my incredible logic, I always have the last word. Long after the event/conversation is over I mentally reproduce and redirect the whole thing so that I come out looking intelligent, well spoken and reasonable. Of course the reality (which I am still in contact with) is that I was over emotional, incoherent and totally unreasonable (which I am also aware of). The funny part is that both of these things are going on at the same time.
A strange cultural belief ... perhaps!
I entertain by the Ukraninan womans rule that there can never be too much food. Everyone must waddle away from the table, waistbands unbuttoned, with recycled margarine containers full of leftovers. If I have not achieved this I have failed as a hostess.
Strange personality quirk? Philisophical belief?
I believe in responsibilty ... everyone (me included) is responsible for all the successes and failures they have had in their lives. Once you become an adult you have choices and the ability to make them ... non action is a choice.
The word 'submit' is not in my vocabulary, 'compromise' is.
Have an adventure at least once a year! Its good for your soul!
So am I weird? Most people would think so ...
The trick is to keep all of this in perspective and not take yourself (ego) too seriously, while still giving 100% to those things you deem important. A tough balancing act, but worth it.
Most of the time the most weird and ridiculous person you will know is yourself, all the strange quirks in your personality and hiccups in your thinking processes.
For example, in my own mind, I always know what to say, I always win arguments with my incredible logic, I always have the last word. Long after the event/conversation is over I mentally reproduce and redirect the whole thing so that I come out looking intelligent, well spoken and reasonable. Of course the reality (which I am still in contact with) is that I was over emotional, incoherent and totally unreasonable (which I am also aware of). The funny part is that both of these things are going on at the same time.
A strange cultural belief ... perhaps!
I entertain by the Ukraninan womans rule that there can never be too much food. Everyone must waddle away from the table, waistbands unbuttoned, with recycled margarine containers full of leftovers. If I have not achieved this I have failed as a hostess.
Strange personality quirk? Philisophical belief?
I believe in responsibilty ... everyone (me included) is responsible for all the successes and failures they have had in their lives. Once you become an adult you have choices and the ability to make them ... non action is a choice.
The word 'submit' is not in my vocabulary, 'compromise' is.
Have an adventure at least once a year! Its good for your soul!
So am I weird? Most people would think so ...
The trick is to keep all of this in perspective and not take yourself (ego) too seriously, while still giving 100% to those things you deem important. A tough balancing act, but worth it.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Its all about meeeeee
So here I am again ... having missed 3 weeks worth of journaling one of the most frustrating challenges I have set for myself. I am NOT shy, I get up in front of groups of people and teach them all kinds of safety programs. Smile at me and I will start up a conversation, in fact I will just butt in with my opinion. I verbalize everything, I talk my way through forms, mutter at myself when I am working, you would think journalling and doing a form at the tiger challenge would be a piece of cake.
Not so! When I journal I have to think and plan what to say, not just respond as you do in conversation. Journalling I possibly have a huge unknown audience, I don't want to hurt or offend anyone, I want a wide variety of people to understand, I need to have a "message". The next worry is, if I talk too much about my success am I bragging? If I talk too much about my problems am I whinning? Oh the pressure.
So here goes, its all about me ...
I was terrified to do the creative forms at the tiger challenge, I know that part of the reason is that it matters so much to me ... so far I have been unable to just take this in stride and not worry. I work myself up to a level of anxiety that baffles my husband and daughters (both of whom also performed at the tiger challenge). They feel sorry for me and try to help but they are still not understanding what the big deal is. But regardless of how much this scares me I made myself do it. Was it fun? Nope, it took a 1/2 hour after I finished before I stopped shaking. Do I remember actually doing the form? Nope, I may have done Kempo or 18 temple motions for all I know.
I had a few moments of lucidity, I remember the first two moves of my form, withdrawing into a cat stance at one point and hearing the music that I was using with my form, I remember getting a medal ... what the scores were I have no idea. I remember Master Brinker saying that they (the judges) were proud of me as most of them know I find this type of thing scary. My response to that I believe was just a .. thank god thats over .. numb gaze but I am not sure.
My daughters told me later that what I performed was not exactly the form that I had been dilegently practicing, but looked good (this is love speaking). So I guess that an opinion on the quality of the form itself (minus the performance factor) is not likely as no one at the tiger challenge actually saw it as I designed it.
Rats! I spent alot of time putting the form together and I really do want some feed back from Master Brinker and Sifu Freitag therefore I will have to show them the form as I designed it and see what they say. Still scary but certainly do able.
The real question is why do I do this to myself? What does it matter if I'm scared, this affects no one but me.
I will not live my life afraid of heights, spiders or performing in public. So I climb ladders and work on scaffolding, desensitizing myself to the feeling of vertigo and anxiety that I get when I am up high. I will remove from my home or kill my own spiders (I will have to, the girls are going to be in China for 5 years and my husband works very long hours). I will do public performances for martial arts (next tiger challenge; forms, weapon forms and creative musical forms) and ballroom dancing (May 30th, 2009 and at a huge international event in Las Vegas in October of 2009).
Are there any logical reasons for my fear. I have never fallen from any type of ladder or decking. I have never been viciously attacked by any spiders. So there is no logical reason for the fear. At least with the performance part I have failed spectacularily in the past, but still the level of anxiety is ridiculous based on the consequences.
This situation actually makes me angry and stubborn and mean (my standard response to fear). I will master this or else!
Fear must always be faced, even though I have no understanding of why I am afraid, the act of doing minimizes the fear, baby steps are acceptable, not taking action to conquer/master the fear is not.
Next year my performances will be much better. I will actually enjoy the experience.
Best regards and thanks to everyone who help me with this challange.
P.S. I will be contacting Master Brinker and Sifu Freitag to schedule some time with them to show them my form.
Not so! When I journal I have to think and plan what to say, not just respond as you do in conversation. Journalling I possibly have a huge unknown audience, I don't want to hurt or offend anyone, I want a wide variety of people to understand, I need to have a "message". The next worry is, if I talk too much about my success am I bragging? If I talk too much about my problems am I whinning? Oh the pressure.
So here goes, its all about me ...
I was terrified to do the creative forms at the tiger challenge, I know that part of the reason is that it matters so much to me ... so far I have been unable to just take this in stride and not worry. I work myself up to a level of anxiety that baffles my husband and daughters (both of whom also performed at the tiger challenge). They feel sorry for me and try to help but they are still not understanding what the big deal is. But regardless of how much this scares me I made myself do it. Was it fun? Nope, it took a 1/2 hour after I finished before I stopped shaking. Do I remember actually doing the form? Nope, I may have done Kempo or 18 temple motions for all I know.
I had a few moments of lucidity, I remember the first two moves of my form, withdrawing into a cat stance at one point and hearing the music that I was using with my form, I remember getting a medal ... what the scores were I have no idea. I remember Master Brinker saying that they (the judges) were proud of me as most of them know I find this type of thing scary. My response to that I believe was just a .. thank god thats over .. numb gaze but I am not sure.
My daughters told me later that what I performed was not exactly the form that I had been dilegently practicing, but looked good (this is love speaking). So I guess that an opinion on the quality of the form itself (minus the performance factor) is not likely as no one at the tiger challenge actually saw it as I designed it.
Rats! I spent alot of time putting the form together and I really do want some feed back from Master Brinker and Sifu Freitag therefore I will have to show them the form as I designed it and see what they say. Still scary but certainly do able.
The real question is why do I do this to myself? What does it matter if I'm scared, this affects no one but me.
I will not live my life afraid of heights, spiders or performing in public. So I climb ladders and work on scaffolding, desensitizing myself to the feeling of vertigo and anxiety that I get when I am up high. I will remove from my home or kill my own spiders (I will have to, the girls are going to be in China for 5 years and my husband works very long hours). I will do public performances for martial arts (next tiger challenge; forms, weapon forms and creative musical forms) and ballroom dancing (May 30th, 2009 and at a huge international event in Las Vegas in October of 2009).
Are there any logical reasons for my fear. I have never fallen from any type of ladder or decking. I have never been viciously attacked by any spiders. So there is no logical reason for the fear. At least with the performance part I have failed spectacularily in the past, but still the level of anxiety is ridiculous based on the consequences.
This situation actually makes me angry and stubborn and mean (my standard response to fear). I will master this or else!
Fear must always be faced, even though I have no understanding of why I am afraid, the act of doing minimizes the fear, baby steps are acceptable, not taking action to conquer/master the fear is not.
Next year my performances will be much better. I will actually enjoy the experience.
Best regards and thanks to everyone who help me with this challange.
P.S. I will be contacting Master Brinker and Sifu Freitag to schedule some time with them to show them my form.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Party, Poetry, Tigers and Priorities.
The Party: I must admit that my 50th birthday was pretty awesome. On Friday the 20th, my daughters stole me away from work, Melanie covered the phones and Brandi drove me around, first for a hot stone massage (if you can I totally recommend it) then a manicure and pedicure, then a hair cut and style. So it was very much a pamper Terry day.
At about 4 o'clock we get home and alot of my family and friends were at the house to surprise me when I came in the door. The house was decorated ... they had a total ukranian dinner (perogies, cabbage rolls, borscht) it was delicious, and a dairy queen ice cream cake for desert. My sister-in-law Kim had everyone say something warm and fuzzy to me (very embarrassing, they tell me I can't take compliments very well) opened presents and cards. Then we all packed up and went to the legion in leduc where they had booked us a private room to party in with pool tables that were ours for the night. It is one of the best social venues, as you get a chance to play and talk with everyone at the party and I am not the sit and visit type, I need to be doing something. Everybody obviously put alot of thought into this as I know its kind of an odd line up but they are my favorite things. I must admit it was the BEST birthday party I have ever had. I floated and smiled for a solid week afterwards. Thanks to everyone who helped plan and organize the event.
The Poetry: There were a number of people that took up the challenge and submitted poems on kwoon talk and they are all very unique. It makes you realize that alot of people that you think you know, have hidden depths and quirky bits that you weren't really aware of before. It also made me realize that I am not the only one who loves the feeling of doing an form/technique well. I think for some of us the reward is the in the power, the technique, the challenge or a combination of the three. For me is the added bonus of how great it feels during and after doing kungfu, I truly hope that's true for everyone else as well.
Tiger Challenge: I have made some serious progress in the design of my form for the tiger challenge. It is a frustrating process as I keep changing my mind as to how it should flow ... there are so many options ... and for me it has to feel right. Each move has to flow from one move to the next ... then my analytcal side requires that logically is has to actually work and be effective. The attack has to make sense (how many attackers, where would they logically come from) ... the block and counter must respond sensibly and the positioning from one move to the next is critical, if the stepping is awkward it may not flow or be an effective response. Then there is the added factor of how much of the actual technique do I want to reveal in the form ... should it be straight forward and obvious (suits my personality) or should the technique be disguised allowing multiple interpretations of exactly what is happening. My daughters and husband tell me that I way overthink this type of stuff ... they may be right, but for me to be happy with it ... well it must meet all the criteria. So I will soldier on, eventually the left and right sides of my brain will be content that I have done the best that I can.
Priorities: I have listened to many of the UBBT members and Master Brinker talk about priorities and although logically it has entered the brain, the words went in, were processed etc. the reality is very little progress has been made in my behaviour. My current priorities are Dean, Brandi & Melanie, then work, home & life stuff that just needs to be taken care of, then comes the study and practice of Kung Fu and dancing.
Currently many of my family and work obligations are configured around the times that I have slotted for Kung Fu which is do able but does not appear to be sufficient to stay on top of all the committments that I have made as a black belt. When I do have spare time (which is rare) Kung Fu is not the first priority ... it is all the other committments that I have fallen behind on. I am constantly scrambling to meet all my obligations and the to do list just gets longer. Wa Wa
So what I have decided to do is for the next week I will be tracking in a note book exactly what I spend my time doing, so I can determine where I am going wrong and where I can eliminate or pare down or possibly hire or hand off to someone else some of these obligations and responsibilties. Wish me success.
I will keep you posted.
At about 4 o'clock we get home and alot of my family and friends were at the house to surprise me when I came in the door. The house was decorated ... they had a total ukranian dinner (perogies, cabbage rolls, borscht) it was delicious, and a dairy queen ice cream cake for desert. My sister-in-law Kim had everyone say something warm and fuzzy to me (very embarrassing, they tell me I can't take compliments very well) opened presents and cards. Then we all packed up and went to the legion in leduc where they had booked us a private room to party in with pool tables that were ours for the night. It is one of the best social venues, as you get a chance to play and talk with everyone at the party and I am not the sit and visit type, I need to be doing something. Everybody obviously put alot of thought into this as I know its kind of an odd line up but they are my favorite things. I must admit it was the BEST birthday party I have ever had. I floated and smiled for a solid week afterwards. Thanks to everyone who helped plan and organize the event.
The Poetry: There were a number of people that took up the challenge and submitted poems on kwoon talk and they are all very unique. It makes you realize that alot of people that you think you know, have hidden depths and quirky bits that you weren't really aware of before. It also made me realize that I am not the only one who loves the feeling of doing an form/technique well. I think for some of us the reward is the in the power, the technique, the challenge or a combination of the three. For me is the added bonus of how great it feels during and after doing kungfu, I truly hope that's true for everyone else as well.
Tiger Challenge: I have made some serious progress in the design of my form for the tiger challenge. It is a frustrating process as I keep changing my mind as to how it should flow ... there are so many options ... and for me it has to feel right. Each move has to flow from one move to the next ... then my analytcal side requires that logically is has to actually work and be effective. The attack has to make sense (how many attackers, where would they logically come from) ... the block and counter must respond sensibly and the positioning from one move to the next is critical, if the stepping is awkward it may not flow or be an effective response. Then there is the added factor of how much of the actual technique do I want to reveal in the form ... should it be straight forward and obvious (suits my personality) or should the technique be disguised allowing multiple interpretations of exactly what is happening. My daughters and husband tell me that I way overthink this type of stuff ... they may be right, but for me to be happy with it ... well it must meet all the criteria. So I will soldier on, eventually the left and right sides of my brain will be content that I have done the best that I can.
Priorities: I have listened to many of the UBBT members and Master Brinker talk about priorities and although logically it has entered the brain, the words went in, were processed etc. the reality is very little progress has been made in my behaviour. My current priorities are Dean, Brandi & Melanie, then work, home & life stuff that just needs to be taken care of, then comes the study and practice of Kung Fu and dancing.
Currently many of my family and work obligations are configured around the times that I have slotted for Kung Fu which is do able but does not appear to be sufficient to stay on top of all the committments that I have made as a black belt. When I do have spare time (which is rare) Kung Fu is not the first priority ... it is all the other committments that I have fallen behind on. I am constantly scrambling to meet all my obligations and the to do list just gets longer. Wa Wa
So what I have decided to do is for the next week I will be tracking in a note book exactly what I spend my time doing, so I can determine where I am going wrong and where I can eliminate or pare down or possibly hire or hand off to someone else some of these obligations and responsibilties. Wish me success.
I will keep you posted.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
It's all about the feeling!
So it's my 50th today ... and I threw my challenge out there on kwoon talk like I said I would. It's all about how you feel when you practice a favorite form or technique, the goal is to appreciate that feeling and to do that you have to be paying attention so that you can recognize the experience. So to make that happen I challenged everyone to write a poem about it and then post it. Some of us are so focused on the moves and technique we forget to appreciate how good it FEELS.
In addition I think it will be a great experience for everyone reading the poems and offer alot of inspiration and if we manage a bunch of limiricks pretty funny too.
I provided a link to a poetry site so that if you have never written a poem before you have a place to begin. And I am sure that some people will go there and pick a very challenging style to write their poem in, which will be cool, but I also hope that some of the black dragons take this challenge, it is not super hard to write a poem and I would like to read the results I bet they will be awesome.
I am pretty rusty in the creative writing department as for the last few years its all been safety and technical stuff so this will be different and fun.
Talk to you all next week.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Just a Number
Apparently there are a number of us sifu's turning fifty years old in the month of March, which is comforting as I was feeling somewhat alone in this experience. So Sifu Shipalesky threw out the challenge of 1000 pushups and situps to be done on March 7th. I rose to the challenge, and for the first time (this was my third attempt), managed to do 1000 situps and 1000 pushups. The situps were easy, I wasn't even sore. The pushups were another story entirely. I got 600 done during the course of the day but I still had 400 to go when Kill Bill Vol 1 started. Doing 10 or 20 at a time through all the commercial breaks I worked through Kill Bill Vol 1 and Vol 2 and finally at 11:27 finished my thousand. Hurrah! As with Master Brinker at this point I could not lift my arms. Amazingly I was not nearly as sore as I thought I would be the following day(s), and time was more the factor in making this difficult to complete not just strength.
So as a soon to be member of the 50's club I am contemplating a challenge to toss into the ring, something fun but not too easy to accomplish. The wheels are turning, I will throw it out on Kwoon Talk on my Bday.
The whole concept of age is totally subjective. I can remember being 21 and thinking I was so smart and people that were 50 were ancient and not with it. Yet here I am hitting the big 50 and I don't really feel any older physically, just a heck of a lot smarter than I was at 21. Despite numerous gray hairs which I can color over and some wrinkles (laugh and worry lines that I earned) I would not change my life, or go back in time to when I was 21 for anything.
I have grown into someone totally different than I expected and I turned out better than I expected (probably better than alot of other people expected as well). In fact I am amazed!!
As I watch a lot of the younger students at the studio and see how mature and capable they are I am blown away when I think of the things that they will accomplish by the time they reach the big 50. Both my daughters at the age of 21 were hugely more mature and well adjusted and capable than I ever was at that age. Just think of the growth that they will have achieved by the time they are 50. The mind boggles.
So it is all just numbers, alot of the young students in our school are more mature and capable than many of my middle aged contemporaries. And as well those of us that have, or will soon, cross some of the higher numbers in years live busy, exciting, adventurous lives, we are people that keep open minds and positive attitudes. We are people that throw out and take on insane challenges (many people think that 1000 pushups and situps is an insane thing to do). We don't let a number hold us back.
So to anyone that for a moment worried about getting old, or if you get depressed on your birthday because its 30 plus, or 40 plus, or 50 plus, its just a number, its what you DO that counts.
Thanks to Sifu Wilson whose comments in the change room really made me THINK about this.
So as a soon to be member of the 50's club I am contemplating a challenge to toss into the ring, something fun but not too easy to accomplish. The wheels are turning, I will throw it out on Kwoon Talk on my Bday.
The whole concept of age is totally subjective. I can remember being 21 and thinking I was so smart and people that were 50 were ancient and not with it. Yet here I am hitting the big 50 and I don't really feel any older physically, just a heck of a lot smarter than I was at 21. Despite numerous gray hairs which I can color over and some wrinkles (laugh and worry lines that I earned) I would not change my life, or go back in time to when I was 21 for anything.
I have grown into someone totally different than I expected and I turned out better than I expected (probably better than alot of other people expected as well). In fact I am amazed!!
As I watch a lot of the younger students at the studio and see how mature and capable they are I am blown away when I think of the things that they will accomplish by the time they reach the big 50. Both my daughters at the age of 21 were hugely more mature and well adjusted and capable than I ever was at that age. Just think of the growth that they will have achieved by the time they are 50. The mind boggles.
So it is all just numbers, alot of the young students in our school are more mature and capable than many of my middle aged contemporaries. And as well those of us that have, or will soon, cross some of the higher numbers in years live busy, exciting, adventurous lives, we are people that keep open minds and positive attitudes. We are people that throw out and take on insane challenges (many people think that 1000 pushups and situps is an insane thing to do). We don't let a number hold us back.
So to anyone that for a moment worried about getting old, or if you get depressed on your birthday because its 30 plus, or 40 plus, or 50 plus, its just a number, its what you DO that counts.
Thanks to Sifu Wilson whose comments in the change room really made me THINK about this.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Dropped the Ball, Picked it up again!
The last time we spoke was January 30th and I was really looking forward to my girls getting back from China and completing or handing off a number of responsibilities. So here it is February 24th and I am back to being the safety officer/gopher at the office, my babies are home from China, we completed the last of the big reno (painting the upstairs) at 11:30 pm on Feb. 11th the night before the girls arrived back from China. All is right with the world, at least my tiny little portion of it.
As you no doubt noticed and I stated in the title, I dropped the ball on my requirements these last couple of weeks, but all is not lost I have picked it up again. Poorly focused I may be, but lazy or uncommitted I am not.
One of the things I have come to appreciate about this entire process is that even if I am falling behind in some areas I am still accomplishing way more than I would have if I had never tried / participated. So starting and stopping and restarting and so on ... is better than not starting / participating at all. So no matter how badly it is going or perhaps you haven't even started yet it will always be worth starting or restarting.
To bring you up to speed on my requirements, the situps are easy, maybe too easy, I will be talking to Master Brinker to maybe change that ... the push ups are getting done but they are NOT easy. Still behind in my requirements for Tai Chi. I will have to do the long form 20 times to catch up on my numbers, but now that I have so much more time I am expecting that this is do-able.
Took some extra dance classes with the senior instructor at the dance studio and improved significantly in a number of different dances. Same as with Kung Fu forms alot of the detailed techniques carry across through the whole style, for example all latin dances or all smooth dances. We started learning our solo Foxtrot routine for the big Dance Extravaganza in May (after the dragon challenge event). At this point it is just a bunch of steps with alot of styling and fine tuneing required.
One odd thing about taking both dancing and Kung Fu is that I heard alot about maintaing your centre (popular opinion is that in dancing your centre is maintained in your chest --- this is totally incorrect --- it is in the hips the same as kungfu) so dancing has actually helped with feeling and maintaing my centre no matter if I am doing Kung Fu or dancing. The issue that I have come across as a major difference is that in dancing you are required to straighten your leg to the point of locking the knee, something you NEVER do in Kung Fu. So after 10 years of Kung Fu conditioning, I am so far unable to change this for dancing. I will keep working on it.
Failed totally to get started in any significant way on the development of my form for the tiger challenge. So this and the Tai Chi Long form are top priority for the next little while.
I am lucky enough to have seen Sifu Brandi Beckett and Sehing Melanie Beckett practicing forms and other stuff that they learned over in China ... hopefully they will have the opportunity (before they go back to China to continue their study) to teach us some of what they have learned ... it looks pretty cool ...
Best regards ... talk to you next week.
As you no doubt noticed and I stated in the title, I dropped the ball on my requirements these last couple of weeks, but all is not lost I have picked it up again. Poorly focused I may be, but lazy or uncommitted I am not.
One of the things I have come to appreciate about this entire process is that even if I am falling behind in some areas I am still accomplishing way more than I would have if I had never tried / participated. So starting and stopping and restarting and so on ... is better than not starting / participating at all. So no matter how badly it is going or perhaps you haven't even started yet it will always be worth starting or restarting.
To bring you up to speed on my requirements, the situps are easy, maybe too easy, I will be talking to Master Brinker to maybe change that ... the push ups are getting done but they are NOT easy. Still behind in my requirements for Tai Chi. I will have to do the long form 20 times to catch up on my numbers, but now that I have so much more time I am expecting that this is do-able.
Took some extra dance classes with the senior instructor at the dance studio and improved significantly in a number of different dances. Same as with Kung Fu forms alot of the detailed techniques carry across through the whole style, for example all latin dances or all smooth dances. We started learning our solo Foxtrot routine for the big Dance Extravaganza in May (after the dragon challenge event). At this point it is just a bunch of steps with alot of styling and fine tuneing required.
One odd thing about taking both dancing and Kung Fu is that I heard alot about maintaing your centre (popular opinion is that in dancing your centre is maintained in your chest --- this is totally incorrect --- it is in the hips the same as kungfu) so dancing has actually helped with feeling and maintaing my centre no matter if I am doing Kung Fu or dancing. The issue that I have come across as a major difference is that in dancing you are required to straighten your leg to the point of locking the knee, something you NEVER do in Kung Fu. So after 10 years of Kung Fu conditioning, I am so far unable to change this for dancing. I will keep working on it.
Failed totally to get started in any significant way on the development of my form for the tiger challenge. So this and the Tai Chi Long form are top priority for the next little while.
I am lucky enough to have seen Sifu Brandi Beckett and Sehing Melanie Beckett practicing forms and other stuff that they learned over in China ... hopefully they will have the opportunity (before they go back to China to continue their study) to teach us some of what they have learned ... it looks pretty cool ...
Best regards ... talk to you next week.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Light at the end of the tunnel ...
So the kitchen is done!!!! New cabinets, hardware, appliances, countertops, flooring and finally the crown molding. I am no longer camping out so to speak. Still some finishing work with painting, baseboard & crown mold in the rest of the house but it should be completed by the end of the month. I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
My husband has been ill for the last 3 months with a viral condition called Bells Palsy but he is now up and kicking like normal and only a little of the paralysis in his face is remaining. The treatment involves steriods, lots of rest and no stress. So my normally hardworking, fun loving guy was pretty crabby and tired and because he is the kingpin in two different businesss well it was a scramble for the rest of us, taking care of things, ensuring he got plenty of rest and making his life as stress free as possible. Now he is back in the groove and I can step back out of his businesses, which takes a load off of me ... another light.
I am so far ahead on the #'s for sit ups and push ups its ridiculous. I completed 1000 sit ups twice ... and 400 push ups participating in both of the new year challenges. Is that cheating to use them for my requirement #'s? ... another light
13 more sleeps and my girls will be back from China.
Sparkly or what ...
Still behind on my tai chi form practice though ... what I want next is my living room, normally I practice my tai chi and dancing there but not since November, it has been a construction zone. Practice has been choppy little moments in any empty corner that I could find, it does the job but I couldn't get the feel and flow of the form which is actually the best part.
Also its time to start working on a new form that I committed to having developed by April, this is pretty exciting and scary all at the same time as I have never attempted anything like this before ... I have the music picked out and a general idea of the 'style' but so far that's it.
It is such a relief to see some of these things winding down, it is hard to be patient (not part of my personality) and also the time that will be available for projects and goals that I have been putting off .. well it looks to get way more fun in the future. Talk to you next week.
My husband has been ill for the last 3 months with a viral condition called Bells Palsy but he is now up and kicking like normal and only a little of the paralysis in his face is remaining. The treatment involves steriods, lots of rest and no stress. So my normally hardworking, fun loving guy was pretty crabby and tired and because he is the kingpin in two different businesss well it was a scramble for the rest of us, taking care of things, ensuring he got plenty of rest and making his life as stress free as possible. Now he is back in the groove and I can step back out of his businesses, which takes a load off of me ... another light.
I am so far ahead on the #'s for sit ups and push ups its ridiculous. I completed 1000 sit ups twice ... and 400 push ups participating in both of the new year challenges. Is that cheating to use them for my requirement #'s? ... another light
13 more sleeps and my girls will be back from China.
Sparkly or what ...
Still behind on my tai chi form practice though ... what I want next is my living room, normally I practice my tai chi and dancing there but not since November, it has been a construction zone. Practice has been choppy little moments in any empty corner that I could find, it does the job but I couldn't get the feel and flow of the form which is actually the best part.
Also its time to start working on a new form that I committed to having developed by April, this is pretty exciting and scary all at the same time as I have never attempted anything like this before ... I have the music picked out and a general idea of the 'style' but so far that's it.
It is such a relief to see some of these things winding down, it is hard to be patient (not part of my personality) and also the time that will be available for projects and goals that I have been putting off .. well it looks to get way more fun in the future. Talk to you next week.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I hate to be late ...
So I missed the Thursday deadline for posting my blog, it was such a frustrating week that I never even noticed the date. Sad but true, I am either too much in the moment or not enough, I am not sure which.
So today is Sunday and I will be spending a good portion of the day catching up on my Tai Chi practice, my swimming and my journaling. I have had to put my foot down as far as priorities go this week. Finish up the renovations and my committments at work made a serious dent in my Kung Fu plans so it has been a fight all week with myself to stay in groove.
Why oh why will I half kill myself to meet obligations for work and expectations of friends and family and leave myself (meaning Kung Fu, or dancing) for last. Do I not value my own wants and needs equal to others? Is this woman, wife, mother programming where we put others before ourselves? Is it all my ego that has me believing that only 'I' can take on these responsibilties /problems/needs and deal with them? It is my need to be in control that makes me feel safe and secure knowing that I am in charge? Ah such arrogance!
I believe I need to put on my black kung fu uniform to remind myself to be humble, allow others to take on the responsibilities so that they too can learn and grow, and trust that things will work out even if I am not in charge. Then I can focus and enjoy the tai chi practice and reward myself for the swimming with the tarzan swing at the pool, practice ballroom dancing with my husband, and enjoy next week instead of battling with my own ego.
Keep your fingers crossed for me.
So today is Sunday and I will be spending a good portion of the day catching up on my Tai Chi practice, my swimming and my journaling. I have had to put my foot down as far as priorities go this week. Finish up the renovations and my committments at work made a serious dent in my Kung Fu plans so it has been a fight all week with myself to stay in groove.
Why oh why will I half kill myself to meet obligations for work and expectations of friends and family and leave myself (meaning Kung Fu, or dancing) for last. Do I not value my own wants and needs equal to others? Is this woman, wife, mother programming where we put others before ourselves? Is it all my ego that has me believing that only 'I' can take on these responsibilties /problems/needs and deal with them? It is my need to be in control that makes me feel safe and secure knowing that I am in charge? Ah such arrogance!
I believe I need to put on my black kung fu uniform to remind myself to be humble, allow others to take on the responsibilities so that they too can learn and grow, and trust that things will work out even if I am not in charge. Then I can focus and enjoy the tai chi practice and reward myself for the swimming with the tarzan swing at the pool, practice ballroom dancing with my husband, and enjoy next week instead of battling with my own ego.
Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Week 2
Hi again,
I am stumped for anything insightful so here goes the actual which is not nearly as exciting.
As of Jan 9th ...
From the UBBT requirements I have selected swimming as my activity until the end of April. Its something that although I can keep my head above water for short periods of time I would not call myself especially skilled at. So I enthusiastically splashed my way through 10 lengths of the pool on sunday, the reward being that for every 3 lengths I then get to swing on the tarzan rope with the little kids. The kids gave me some pointers on pinching your nose, hooking your feet on the bottom knot of the rope, stuff like that, it was a total blast even though by the time I got to the third swing my arms were so tired from swimming that I had to pull myself back to the edge of the pool using the guide lines.
A tip here ... do your pushups before going swimming, I was reduced to knee pushups that night, no juice left in the muscles ... tsk tsk.
Master Brinker was totally correct about how easy it was to find the time for situps and pushups, so I have been reasonably successful in that area, which cannot be said for performing my Tai Chi Long Form everyday. This one is a time hog if you want to do a half decent job ... and I do. So I am behind in my numbers on this one already and I just got started, not looking good. It appears that either my planning or committment level are not as good as I thought. While I am making up the numbers next week and doing a LOT of Tai Chi I will have to rethink my approach.
I successfully completed my anger managment course and passed my test on Jan 13th, a month after my goal of a December 15th completion date. The time it took is a disappointment but the course itself was great. As a speed reader I figured that I would just whip right thru this course but there is alot of information in there that requires alot of thought. When you are multitasking as much as I was thru the months of November and December, well it just wasn't getting the attention it warranted. I had to set aside time to actually read and process the info, I learned ALOT! I added the certification to my work accreditation folder as well.
My husband and I also take ballroom dance lessons, which have started up again in the new year. After our class on Tuesday night working on cuban motion in the cha cha we were sore, my husband in his hips and me in my knees. Who would have thought ballroom dancing would be so demanding!
Talk to you next week.
I am stumped for anything insightful so here goes the actual which is not nearly as exciting.
As of Jan 9th ...
From the UBBT requirements I have selected swimming as my activity until the end of April. Its something that although I can keep my head above water for short periods of time I would not call myself especially skilled at. So I enthusiastically splashed my way through 10 lengths of the pool on sunday, the reward being that for every 3 lengths I then get to swing on the tarzan rope with the little kids. The kids gave me some pointers on pinching your nose, hooking your feet on the bottom knot of the rope, stuff like that, it was a total blast even though by the time I got to the third swing my arms were so tired from swimming that I had to pull myself back to the edge of the pool using the guide lines.
A tip here ... do your pushups before going swimming, I was reduced to knee pushups that night, no juice left in the muscles ... tsk tsk.
Master Brinker was totally correct about how easy it was to find the time for situps and pushups, so I have been reasonably successful in that area, which cannot be said for performing my Tai Chi Long Form everyday. This one is a time hog if you want to do a half decent job ... and I do. So I am behind in my numbers on this one already and I just got started, not looking good. It appears that either my planning or committment level are not as good as I thought. While I am making up the numbers next week and doing a LOT of Tai Chi I will have to rethink my approach.
I successfully completed my anger managment course and passed my test on Jan 13th, a month after my goal of a December 15th completion date. The time it took is a disappointment but the course itself was great. As a speed reader I figured that I would just whip right thru this course but there is alot of information in there that requires alot of thought. When you are multitasking as much as I was thru the months of November and December, well it just wasn't getting the attention it warranted. I had to set aside time to actually read and process the info, I learned ALOT! I added the certification to my work accreditation folder as well.
My husband and I also take ballroom dance lessons, which have started up again in the new year. After our class on Tuesday night working on cuban motion in the cha cha we were sore, my husband in his hips and me in my knees. Who would have thought ballroom dancing would be so demanding!
Talk to you next week.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Naked in public!
This is the first time I have ever posted any type of blog, people may read it or they may not. Still I feel like I am standing out in public only in my underwear. Sharing my thoughts, struggles, triumphs on such a public venue is nerve wracking. I guess I have a fear of being judged, other people thinking I'm weird or bad in some way, but that is the reason I decided to do this. Although I am not officially part of the UBBT at Silent River Kung Fu (due to other conflicting commitments) I believe the program has a great deal of value so I am participating as best I can. One of the requirements is to journal publicly, something that makes my stomach tighten up and my breath get choppy (FEAR). I am committing to a weekly posting on this blog site and I will send the link to Master Brinker as part of the challenge that I have (with his help) designed for myself. Hopefully I will have something intelligent or insightful to share.
Fear is a unique condition, physiologically it is designed to enable you to take action when your life is threatened in some way. As human beings we have added imagination, this enables us to come up with all the worst case scenarios so that we can then WORRY and FRET about all said scenarios. We build the fear, bigger and bigger, until it incapacitates us, the exact opposite of what it is designed to do which is save us from injury or death.
Many, many times it is the unknown, that scares us the most. Something we have never done before, situations that are outside the comfort zone that most of us wallow in. I am very knowledgeable about this, as I have conciously designed and wallow in this comfortable area. I strongly resist any sudden or drastic changes. I have only taken on one extreme challenge, my black belt grading, and it took me years to work up the nerve. I have a very limited circle of friends, my daughters and my husband, with some select family members (in and outlaws). I like my life to flow along without to many ripples, surrounded by the people I love. I don't want to have to work to hard to achieve things and luckily for me I am reasonably intelligent so I get by okay. Lets face it my life is VERY comfortable.
Unfortunately it limits personal growth. My philosophy/belief is that the creator put me here to learn and grow and achieve, life from day one to the end should be an evolution of you/me/them as a person. I truly wish that it wasn't such hard work.
The whole UBBT challenge is about expanding horizons and experiences, I couldn't ignore that. Some opportunities that cross your path, can change your path, I expect for myself and many of the UBBT members to discover new roads as a result our participation in this program, officially or not.
Talk to you next week.
Fear is a unique condition, physiologically it is designed to enable you to take action when your life is threatened in some way. As human beings we have added imagination, this enables us to come up with all the worst case scenarios so that we can then WORRY and FRET about all said scenarios. We build the fear, bigger and bigger, until it incapacitates us, the exact opposite of what it is designed to do which is save us from injury or death.
Many, many times it is the unknown, that scares us the most. Something we have never done before, situations that are outside the comfort zone that most of us wallow in. I am very knowledgeable about this, as I have conciously designed and wallow in this comfortable area. I strongly resist any sudden or drastic changes. I have only taken on one extreme challenge, my black belt grading, and it took me years to work up the nerve. I have a very limited circle of friends, my daughters and my husband, with some select family members (in and outlaws). I like my life to flow along without to many ripples, surrounded by the people I love. I don't want to have to work to hard to achieve things and luckily for me I am reasonably intelligent so I get by okay. Lets face it my life is VERY comfortable.
Unfortunately it limits personal growth. My philosophy/belief is that the creator put me here to learn and grow and achieve, life from day one to the end should be an evolution of you/me/them as a person. I truly wish that it wasn't such hard work.
The whole UBBT challenge is about expanding horizons and experiences, I couldn't ignore that. Some opportunities that cross your path, can change your path, I expect for myself and many of the UBBT members to discover new roads as a result our participation in this program, officially or not.
Talk to you next week.
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